Marital Issues

Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.  The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I Corinthians 7:1-9

Verse 1 indicates that the Corinthians had some questions for Paul about whether to marry or remain married and how to conduct themselves in marriage after salvation. We know, because Paul has indicated it, that he was unmarried at the time he wrote these epistles to the churches. I am not totally convinced he had never been married, but I would not argue about that detail. He never said he was, but I believe there were experiences in his biography that required a man to be married, such as his position in the Sanhedrin. Acts 26:10: “…On the authority of the chief priests I put many of the Lord’s people in prison, and when they were put to death, I cast my vote against them.” Acts 22:20 “And when the blood of your martyr Stephen was shed, I stood there giving my approval and guarding the clothes of those who were killing him.” Much more learned scholars than I have stated that such voting power was restricted to married men. I only mention this to indicate the possibility. If that was the case with Paul, it could have been that the ostracism by his people, the Jews, included loss of his own wife because of her unbelief. That could also have contributed to his unrelenting thorn in the flesh (See blog entries Doctrine of Thorns May 24, 2012 and Paul’s Thorn May 25, 2012). Whatever his own history may have been, Paul spoke about the subject on the authority of Jesus Christ.

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.  But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.  For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.  How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? I Corinthians 7:10-16

The reality is humans have sexual appetites. Marriage is a divine institution. If you are already married, don’t get divorced just because you are now saved. You could be his or her only witness for Christ. If your unbelieving spouse wants out, let him go, but don’t initiate the separation. Husband and wife must accommodate each other’s physical needs to protect against the temptation to commit adultery. It is not unreasonable for a spouse to expect regular sexual intercourse. That’s why you have a spouse. Just because some Christians have learned to keep their sex drive under control, that doesn’t mean everyone is expected to. Celibacy is a gift to some people, who can then devote all their attention to serving the Lord, without the distraction of having to meet someone else’s needs. Apparently, Paul was one of those people and he highly recommended the status, but didn’t require it. Marriage is good. Celibacy is better, according to Paul.

Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts.  Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so.  For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. I Corinthians 7:17-23

Whatever your status was when you were saved, that is where God called you. Your ministry is there, unless otherwise directed by the Holy Spirit. If a change is in order, you will realize it as you grow in grace. We are to serve where we are; represent Jesus Christ in our present circumstances. There are people we live among and work with who need the gospel. There are believers in our surroundings who are confused and need doctrinal direction. When you are aware of this principle, you will see it in operation wherever you go. You will not usually receive immediate acceptance, but those among whom you have been planted will eventually recognize what they are seeking in you. They will indicate exactly that, when they begin to understand your message. That is why our code of conduct is so important in the world. Relaxation toward the worldlings and openness to any who show interest in the Christian way of life is our means of contact. Be alert. You will see it soon. Be ready to give answers. I Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.”

Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. I Corinthians 7:24