Wives and Husbands

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-- but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. I Peter 3:1-7

This is a category a lot of us wives would just as soon skip, especially when there is spiritual inequality in the marriage, and emotional stress. Ideally, the husband would be a born-again believer in Jesus Christ and the spiritual leader of his household, but all households are not ideal. In the early Church, as now, the wife may be saved and the husband not, or vice-versa, and that always sets up tension between the partners.

Peter’s directive to the wife: respect the delegated authority of your husband, even though he is not a believer. God honors His system of authority because it protects and preserves the marriage and children—indeed, the human race. God honors your faith, even though you must practice it without the support of your husband. Here’s the advice: DON’T NAG! Nagging and self-righteous sniping will only generate resentment and hostility in the unbelieving mate. He’s likely looking for something to be suspicious of, since he does not understand your faith. That will make your own Christian service more difficult and cause you to become secretive and resentful, yourself. By your respectful conduct, your unconditional love for him and your submission to his authority as head of your household, your testimony will have impact without words. As you grow in grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ, your inner beauty will become even more appealing than any external adornment you can fashion. God cherishes the gentle confidence of a mature believer, and actually, unbelievers do, too. They don’t know why, but God does, and will honor you all the more with greater knowledge and inner peace as you conduct your daily life with your husband.

Believing husbands, too, are advised to treat their wives honorably, with compassion for their weaker physiques, protecting and nurturing them as you anticipate your shared inheritance of grace.

Marital conflict hinders the prayers of the believer. Honor and respect each other so as not to hinder your prayers. We have enough distractions in life without creating our own.

This is actually a pet subject of mine. Married people, whether believers, unbelievers or both, can become really disrespectful of one another. It is shameful conduct, when practiced in public, and I can see no reason for being rude to the love of your life even in private. My question to husbands, wives, and all family members: “why are you kinder and more polite to strangers than to the people you love?” I can think of no acceptable reason for that. It is also a fact that you receive the same kind of treatment you give. Treat your spouse with respect and dignity and that is what you’ll get in return. Maybe not immediately, if he’s really dense, but eventually his response will match your example. And eventually he’ll realize that your respectful attitude is not because he’s so wonderful, but because your Lord is. That is our witness.

I Peter 3:8-12:

Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For

“Whoever desires to love life and see good days,
let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer.

But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”